Tag: lighten up

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

A: Frostbite!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A: A gummy bear!

Why can’t you trust an atom?

A: Because they make up everything!

Why did the coffee file a police report?

A: It got mugged!

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

A: It wasn’t peeling well.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A: A carrot!

Why do cows wear bells?

A: Because their horns don’t work!

Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

A: Because they’re shellfish.

 I told my suitcase there would be no vacations this year now…..

A: Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

A: In case he got a hole in one!

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work!

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

What bow can’t be tied?

A rainbow.

Is this pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

Why did the math book look sad?

Because it had too many problems.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

What do you call a parade of rabbits marching backward?

A receding hare line.

Why don’t seashells take baths?

They wash up on the beach.

What would bears be without bees?

Ears!

Where does fruit go on vacation?

Pear-is!

Why did the cell phone get glasses?

It lost all its contacts.

When does a duck wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

Why did the egg hide?

It was a little chicken.

What do you call a toothless grizzly?

A Gummy bear

How do you measure a snake?

In inches because they don’t have feet.